Reason To Live
by RobertDowneyJrLove
Summary: Pepper gives Tony a reason to live. Something it took him three months of being stuck in a God-forsake cave to figure out. Tony and Yinsen Friendship. Hints at Tony/Pepper


_"...So you're a man who has everything and nothing." _

Well, that was true. The billionaire industrialist _did _have everything. He stayed caught up in the illusion of fame and all that it entailed. The billions of dollars from weapons manufacturing, the fast million dollar sports cars and beautiful women at his disposal when he wanted to put another notch in his bedpost. He was realizing now that fame was an illusion. The fame and the fortune meant nothing to him. Real friends didn't seem to exist anymore, the ones that didn't lie and deceive him - or secretly despise him, just to reap the benefits of having a billionaire for a friend. He didn't really have anything stable, nothing truly reliable in his life. The only person he had ever found worth his time and trust was his assistant, Pepper Potts. Come to think of it, she was really the only reason he had for wanting to escape the hell he's currently living.

It's almost midnight. At least, he thinks it's almost midnight;there were no clocks or watches and he's finding time is slipping away from him. He's playing what must be his fiftieth round of backgammon with Yinsen. He's come to know the man pretty well. He's dark, despite his cordial - friendly, even - intonation. He's a shadowy man with a past darker than Tony realized. He doesn't speak of it much and Tony gets the feeling he prefers not too so he doesn't ask.

"I have one person who would make getting out of this hell-hole worth it." Tony commented almost inaudibly, pouring the dice out of the cup. Despite what they think may be a late hour and the fact that they should both be sleeping, neither of them are willing to take that risk for fear of what their own personal terrorists may try. "And I'm not even sure I'll see her when I get back."

"Girlfriend?"

"No," Tony shook his head, chuckling slightly at the thought - mostly to shake off the thought of how good the idea of Pepper as his girlfriend sounded to him - as he moved the appropriate pieces around on the playing board. "She's my personal assistant."

"She must be some personal assistant to make getting out of here worth it." Yinsen teased him lightly, plucking the cup of dice from his hand. "She must be something more."

"I have a lot of friends...business associates, really. Wouldn't call 'em friends." Tony told him, temporarily distracted from the game by the thought of his best friend. "She's one of my only real friends. She's my best friend."

"Best friend? That's quite a leap from assistant." Yinsen commented, picking up the pieces of the abandoned game to store away for future use. "How'd she earn that title?"

"I don't know," Tony shrugged, struggling to keep his composure. Talking about Pepper made him realize how much he truly missed her. "I guess it was when she didn't desert me, even when I deserved it. She put up with me. I think she's dealt with me far better than anyone else. She helped me battle alcohol...dealt with my drunken rages, even when I knew she didn't want too. She cleaned up the messes, picked up the pieces...pretended she understood even when I know she didn't."

"That's quite a best friend." Yinsen remarked, wrapping his hand around Tony's bicep to help the man up. They stumbled through the cave over to Tony's cot where Yinsen helped him sit down and arrange himself comfortably with the wires and the car battery. "Sounds like she deserves a gold medal."

"She deserves more than that." Tony told him softly, unable to fight the tears pooling in his eyes. His best friend did deserve much better than him and the thought of never being able to really be that for her sent him spiralling into that dark abyss, the one where alcohol seemed like his only friend. He blinked hard, desparate to get rid of the tears in his eyes. His voice sounded forlorn, distant and thick with tears when he spoke again. "She deserves so much more than that...but what she really deserves, I can't give her. Not like she needs."

"Well then, what does she deserve, Stark?" Yinsen posed his question carefully, already knowing that Tony was treading a fine line with his emotions.

"She needs...Pepper needs someone who isn't going to treat her like crap." Tony's head dropped to his chest and this time, there was no blinking away the tears. They fell of their own volition and Tony was helpless to stop it. "She needs someone to love her just as much as she loves them."

"If you know all that, than you must be able to give it to her." Yinsen remarked calmly, "Don't lower yourself, Stark."

"Even if I could give her all of that...it still -" Tony broke off, releasing a deep breath. "Yinsen, tell me the truth. What do I have to offer? An alcohol addiction and a temper that quite honestly scares the living hell out of her? Eleven years, she's put up with that even though I know it scares her! She deserves better than that. The best I can do isn't good enough for her."

"Why do you love her so much?" Yinsen asked him, looking up at Tony.

"Because she's Pepper." Tony sighed, laughing slightly at Yinsen's questioning look. "Nickname. Her real name is Virginia but everyone calls her Pepper."

"Go on." Yinsen encouraged him.

"She's the only person who can put up with my drunken rages. She's the only person who can put up with me period." Tony admitted quietly. "She's just Pepper. That's the only reason I need."

"You should tell her if we make it out of here." Yinsen told him.

"I can't tell her. She's...if she doesn't feel the same way then I could lose her and I don't think I could handle that." Tony shook his head, the thought of losing Pepper scaring him more than the people holding him hostage. "I can't lose her...no..I just can't."

"What happens if she gets tired of your drunken rages?" Yinsen was treading a fine line and he knew it. Tony was already angry, hurt and scared. This could possibly send him over that proverbial edge. "What are you going to do then? What happens if one day, she gets tired of waiting for you to pull your head out of the bottle? If one day, you have to pick up the pieces because she's tired of doing it?"

"I...I.." Tony fumbled for an answer, looking down at the car battery attached to his chest. "I don't know."

"Then, I would think about it." Yinsen told him thoughtfully. He leaned his elbows on his knees in a position similar to Tony's and smiled gently at the billionaire. "Because, Mister Stark, I've learned that there is nothing in this world that could ever make losing someone worth it. Especially when you love that person as much as you seem to love this Pepper woman, you speak so highly of."

"I know."

"Go to sleep, Stark. We have work to do tomorrow."

With that, he rolled over onto his cot and set about getting some rest to prepare for the day of work they had ahead of them. Tony sat up long into the night, staring at the smoldering embers that remained of the fire that had been their source of warmth and light, in the cold darkness of the cave. Yinsen had proved himself to be a genius in his own right. He was far wiser and more composed than Tony was and for that, he finds himself grateful. Yinsen was his only friend in this God-forsaken place and he had long ago lost his cool bravado, especially when faced with his own weapons and the terrorists that seemed hell-bent on using them against him.

The man had a point. There was nothing that could ever make losing somebody worth it. Nothing. He knew that but it had taken him years to finally understand. He just hated the fact that he chose now to finally understand it - in a cave, in Afghanistan instead of in California where Pepper was. He didn't want to lose Pepper because he seemed to love the bottle more than he loved her. He didn't want to lose her to the drunken rages when his temper got a bit too hot, parts of his house were destroyed and his reputation became a little more tattered around the edges. She mattered more to him than anything. He needed her. She was his rock. He had come to rely on the fact that when he stumbled and fell, she was right there to help him back up.

He couldn't lose that.

He couldn't lose her.

* * *

**I just...have no words to express how I feel about this story. I tried a thousand times to add something to the end and I may eventually write a companion piece, centering around Tony and Pepper and what Yinsen told him, but for now, this is how it is and this is how I'll leave it. I do hope you enjoy it. Leave some love, Dolls. **

**Love ya,**

**RobertDowneyJrLove**

**P.S. I find myself insanely attracted to Tom Hiddleston. Don't get me wrong, I love Robert Downey Jr. but damn! Tom Hiddleston is just too good to resist. Luckily for me, unlike Tony and Loki, Robert and Tom are basically best friends so I find myself slightly justified. **


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